最美丽的第七天

看完这部港剧后，心情像往常一样低落，但这一次显得更低潮，觉得 Don 和 Sasa 两人除了可爱以外，更像自己和 Michelle 的那段感情。两人虽然分开后，更各自有各自的生活，但心还是连在一起。上个周末和她度过美好的一天，我俩都知道我们不可能放弃对方，但因为之前的阴影更让我俩不敢向前走一步，好难过，好痛苦，真得很想她。

Another email to Michelle

Tonite it's my long sleepless nite. After my numerous attempts to call u but u never pick up. I felt really down, and sour. It's been awhile I never had such feeling before. I dunno why Michelle. My feeling all this while calm and peace. But after u hung up on me yday afternoon, my emotion never calmed as before. I keep thinking, why our connection in watsoever x/ship is so fragile? We failed in our r/ship, are we gonna failed in our f/ship too? I really dun wish to.. And it seems.. it's so hard..

I tried to call u until my batt flat. I skipped my work today. My laptop batt flat. I can't recharge it outside. By the time I manage to find a power point to charge my lappie, I got 1 whole page of emails came in, complaining me for not turning up for my appointment. My boss, my colleague emailed me and asked me my whereabout, how come can't be contacted by phone. Again, I'm in the mess. It seems like, whenever I can't handling matters properly with you, i will tend to screw up everything. Everything that I have. My customers, colleagues' trust on me had been tear down after today. Yesterday was really not my day. Was it 13th yesterday? Was it Friday yesterday? No leh.. But why like that?

But, I can't be bother, coz I can't calmed down myself. My brain keep flashing back our old time. Argue, break, patch, sweet sweet and again argue bla bla bla. It seems like a never ending story or infinite chain reaction. We seems like 'enjoying' the process. But later the scars are getting more and more until the stage where we dun even bother to heal it. There goes our 3 yrs r/ship.

I had been trying hard, to rebuilt the f/ship with watever we had just leftover. I was always the only person who took the initiative to contact u and keep in touch with you. To be frank. 2 days before I called u, I was deeply depressed of my work, I was in the dilemma of my life. I was sick with my life coz there wasn't anyone for me when I needed one, especially when I had high fever. It's not that I can't find any, but, they're just not the one I wish to hear or see. I had a gf, but I never even shared to her my feeling, she wasn't just the right one to make me open my mouth and tell her my feeling. And I took a lot of courage to call u, I can still remember my hand was shaking, I was struggling, to call? or not to call? I put down a few times, and finally I made my 1st call to u. And it was like a magic moment, all my worried, my depression gone in the second when I heard your voice. And finally I picked up my spirit and courage to continue watever I'm doing now. Why? I think I know why, coz I know no matter wat happened, u will be there to back me up as a friend, at least u will lend me your ears when I need one. I dunno, it maybe just wishful thinking on my part. Even if it is, I'm willing to believe it.

U know I read an article about the 12 constellations and I read about cancerians. It says that cancerians are perfect lovers. They always leave the feeling of "I will never find someone like her" to her ex bf. And yeah it was so true. To be frank Michelle, no matter wat, I had burried all the bad memories we had b4. I guess this is the only way we can maintain our f/ship. Watever we did today was totally wrong. We kept digging out our ugly side. What's wrong with us? Why should we bother about our past? Can we burried it together? And never digged it out? I dunno, u had became the lighting house of my life. If u decided to turn off the light, then I guess I will have to search for my own road from now on.

Michelle, Roman Empire built in hundred years, but collapse in a night (Is this the correct phrase? Not sure). We can't denied that the sweet and bitter that we had gone thru. There're some connection between us. As for me, I will always give u the neutral answer when u asked for my opinion. But once u had decided, i will give u the full support. I dunno why u read it as I never support u, I have no clue at all. But so long u need me, I will be around. I know I can only be spare tyre. Coz u oledi got ur bf around, rite? Just in case u need additional support, I will be there.

Till then, I hope u will be happy always, no matter what. Even if u decided to turn off the light, I wish u all the best in whatever u're doing and u will be doing. And u will have a happy life.

Do the right thing

Whatever comes our way,
Whatever bad that we have rages inside,
We always have a choice,
Is the choices that make us who we are,
And we can always choose to do what's right.

我宁愿你不曾提起我

今天，我又像往常一样犯贱地看她的部落格，发现到三个月后她又重写部落格了。原来在她心目中我俩这段感情不是不值一提，在她的部落格里头，我的名字很荣幸的被她提了两次，还是连名带姓的，我才知道，原来在她心目中我俩这段感情，真的是那么糟糕。当然我也知道，但，看了她写的东西，心里真的很难受。为什么我的付出，她全都不提？我没买礼物给她吗？真的没有吗？我钱都不够了，凑着也买一样十字架给她，虽然不是什么贵东西，但那些钱对我来说很重要啊！为什么？手表呢？她怎么可以抹煞我对她的心意呢？她竟然吃我侄儿的醋，有没有搞错啊？我。。 真的好难过。。

另一方面，我真的得反省了，我真的太粗心大意了。很多事情我都忽略，不断不断的发生，我想改，但不知怎么办，我。。该如何是好？