Confront

Hi,

I had been wanted to do this long ago but nothing motivated me to. Today I decided to do this coz I dun wanna be the 'runner' of this whole joke anymore. Before I can really move on to my life, I want to clarify something, in front of all of us.

When was the last time that 3 of us gather together? It has been quite some times ago. My memory of 3 of us has becoming very blurr now. But I can still remember. 3 of us were very good friends! We always hangout together no matter where we go. We yam char, hangout at michelle's place, we sing in the car (I can still remember the Jay's song, with Ruby also) and etc. It was the most wonderful time that I ever had in my life. Those are precious and always kept in my mind. But, look at us today. What gones wrong with us? 3 of us not talking to each other. 3 of us hate each other. It really puzzled me. It was a simple thing. Do we have to complicated it into such a way?

I remember michelle went to SG on that weekend. I was suppose to travel to Penang for work. That was the reason why I cannot join michelle to SG. I booked the limo to pick me up at office area (USJ). Reason being is I gotta away for 3 days and office is the safest place for me to put my car. I got access to my office and can sleep inside there with the air con and internet access. I met carmen for yam char around 11pm. We yam char at the malay food shop outside her place. When she knew I had planned to overnite in office, as the curtosy she invited me to overnite at her place. I didn't want to coz it wasn't that convenient as she's a gal and i'm guy. But she insisted so I followed her back in the end. When I reached her place and opened her room, I found that she got only 1 queen size bed. Again I wanted to leave or sleep on the floor but she insisted that I can sleep beside her. I didn't want it but she said "u scared I rape u meh?". Since she's a gal and she also dun mind, why should I? But I believe all this are for good intention. I trust u really caring me as your friend carmen, thanks for that. We didn't chat much coz it was quite late oledi, and I gotta wake up like 5am to meet the limo driver and catch the flight. Oh ya, she changed behind me and asked me to turn my faced over not to peek at her. I did kacao her but my body stay still and never turn over of coz. That nite I sleep soundly. Nothing happened. And of coz.. we never had any sexual intercourse or ONS watever u called like what Alan said. We never even had body contact. So I dunno why there's a rumour going on between me and her. When michelle came back from SG, I told her frankly everything about this. I think this is exactly what I told u when u came back, rite michelle? i told u becoz I trust u won't spread it out and I dun want any misunderstand later. But.. who knows there's still something shitty like this after few yrs. So carmen, is that correct about that nite? Did i missed anything? Please enlighten me if I did.

Carmen, I know how u think. Ur thinking is, if someone is ur fren, he/she should trust u and never even doubt on u. He/she shouldn't even ask u about this coz it will be like insulting u in a way. Seriously I also think like that. That's why i never bother to explain this earlier. But now i realised we shouldn't run away from this. We should stand up and face the truth. Come on we never did anything wrong, why should we run? Sometimes hide away is not the best option. It would cause a lot of misunderstanding. We're already adult. So we shouldn't just run away and face it, shall we?

2 weeks back I got another call from michelle when I was on the way to Taiping. She was saying she know "everything" about us. She knew "something we're doing behind" her. Can I know what's the "everything" and "something"? Eversince Carmen went to HK, i had been lost contact with her for like.. dunno how long.. i also lost count. In fact we seldom keep in touch. The only reason we contact a lot last time also becoz of the rumours, and the hoohaa when we break up michelle. After that we sort of like lost contact again. And carmen, I remember i didn't talk much to u about michelle. The only time we mentioned about her was when u asked me "how's thing with michelle?", "really sad to see u both like this", something like that. And if i remember correctly i diverted the topic, right carmen? That was the only time we mentioned about michelle in our conversation. So when i see u again in msn, I msged u, but again u seems sensitive and ran away with your old favorite 'blocking' style. LOL~ C'mon, I never scold u also, i just asked u what did u tell michelle until she mad again? It was just a simple question rite? Why u so sensitive leh? Things can be very simple, why wanna make it complicated? I dun get it gals... seriously... And.. where does this rumours come from again?

About Alan, seriously, i dun trust him at all. Please hear my logic inference. Michelle, u're a gal also. If u had ONS (if only) wif a guy among the group of friends, or even a random guy, will u go and spread it around? Or ask any of your gal friend, will she do that? Not that she's hooking up with celebrity like Brad Pitt, then we can understand why she wanna spread it around, coz she's screwing a celebrity and she feel proud of it. But, hey, come on~ I'm not celebrity, i'm not handsome, not loaded, not tall, not special. Is it proud to have sex intercourse with me? Think about that. Secondly, Alan said Carmen seduced him by touching him. And he's the 'saint' coz he pushed her away. Another guy friend of Alan and michelle also got such experience. Can't really remember exactly. I did mentioned this to Tim last time. And he said "why carmen never did that to me?". Obviously, only Alan and his friend is the 'victim' here. Is he thinking highly so much of himself? Or is Tim too normal for Carmen to seduce? Even when both me and Carmen together, we treat each other very politely. We never had body contact. Carmen, dun get me wrong for what i'm saying above, I'm just analysing. Michelle, u can be fair to both party? Before this rumours break out, Carmen and I also your friend, in fact u meet us more than u meet alan they all, unless u met them without my knowledge lah. So.. how could u just listened blindly to them and accused both of us, both of us who loved u so much? Does he shows any prove? Seriously I dun mind to confront them. I got nothing to fear. What if, i'm saying if.. all these are the lies? Michelle, the hatred that u kept, does it worth? What if all these are only misunderstand? All the crazy moment we had gone thru, does it worth? Think about it..

Since we oledi start thinking, think again. Why all these while i never even once admit it? Michelle if i want to retal, I think the word "yes, i did bed with her" will hurt u whole lot last time. That will be the heaviest punch. But I could wrong. But, all this while i was trying to explain. Coz I dun wanna eat dead cat. Last time NO, this time NO, and never in my future. Who ever lies, go to hell, how bout that?

Ok, i'm relief now. I wanna confront everybody just to clear the old shit. I hope this email doesn't sound rude to any of u. And I always remember how great the moment we had last time when 3 of us hangout. That was the simplest, purest and happier moment. Things will not restored back to old time. But at least thing will not as bad as now. Wish both of u doing great in the future.


Trey

双子座终极完美分析

有 很多的朋友，可是'看起来朋友很多，可是知心的没有几个'这句话很深刻的形容了双子。双子很能说话，他跟别人可以天南地北的聊，可以聊得很八卦，也会聊一 些很严肃的话题。双子可以跟你聊很多东西，可是注意了，他都只是跟你聊一些不关自己的事。随便他跟你说些什么，可是跟自己有关的都只是些皮毛而已。比如， 今天又有某个明星怎样怎样了；隔壁班有多少美女帅哥的。关于自己的事，他几乎是不说的，就算是说，也是说一些关于自己无关痛痒的事。当你想更进一步的了解 双子，他会很自然的把话题给扯开。

对于自信的双子来说，他又同时很没有安全感，这是双子特有的矛盾。他喜欢把自己重重包围住，不让自 己暴露。对于双子来说，如果在一个还不了解的人面前把自己暴露了，就等于让别人抓住了自己的把柄。这样就失去了一定的优势。当双子感到独孤悲伤时，只会一 个人躲在房间里哭，或者一个人郁闷着。

双子也很怕被伤害，很多时候宁愿自己承受一切，也不愿别人抓住自己的把柄。所以久而久之也就养 成了习惯。 双子基本上也是个很痛苦的人。表面上总是很有活力，很快乐的样子，可是没人的时候他又总是很忧伤。双子总会被一种莫名的悲伤笼罩。但他不会让别人发现的， 他怕被伤害，也怕被别人抛弃，只能自己硬挺着一切。所以双子很神经质，精神脆弱，容易人格分裂，因为承受了太多的东西.
一般来说双子的孩子都很早熟。双子对很多的东西都在乎得要命，可是表面上就是看起来什么都不在乎。双子并不是故意要掩饰自己，上面说了，这只是一种习惯了，可是在外人看来他就成了虚伪的人。

双 子是被公认的最花心、最冷酷无情的星座。其实对于双子的花心，真的不想再说些什么了。解释得太多，累了，也没耐心了。可是说起双子，就不得不提感情，双子 这一生，似乎必须被感情牵伴，跟爱情纠缠一世。很多人说双子并不花心，只是博爱，所以才会有那么好的人缘。忘了在哪里看见了这样的一句话：双子最大的悲哀 在于有两个人的思想，却只有一个人的身体，双子有爱自己所爱的人的权利，也有保护彼此所爱的人的义务，双子只剩下一个时，爱也就只剩下义务了。
我 想用如来若去说的一句话给双子的花心做个总结：花心的极端就是痴心的可怕。该懂的人应该会懂的。至于冷酷无情真的不知道该从何说起。其实双子是最平和的星 座，如果可以不发生冲突，都会尽量避免。双子也很少跟别人吵架，他讨厌吵架，如果是因为一些生活琐碎小事吵架，那么双子就在吵完的那一刻就把这件事给忘 了；

要双子真的跟你翻脸，除非是你的所作所为或所说的话实在让双子不能忍受，这时他会很鄙视得看你一眼，然后头也不回地走掉，甚至会 不给你留面子地离开。这时你一辈子也别想再和他和好了，就算有的双子碍于面子和你再成为朋友，但是他们已经对你鄙视到了极点，只不过维持着这一层不得不维 持的'朋友'关系其实，很大一部分双子，对待感情是非常专一的，之所以给人留下花心的美名，是因为很少有人能够让略带童心的双子动真感情，不是双子铁石心 肠，而是双子个性里面天生有一些忧郁，一些潜在的不自信，只是双子隐藏的深入，可是一旦让双子动了真感情，那么恭喜你了，双子的天真，率直，外加表达能力 丰富，一定能让你获得很多快乐。

每个双子都有一个故事隐藏在心里，多数是不堪回首的往事，双子是个念旧或者说是喜欢沉浸在回忆中的星 座，他（她）的这个故事通常都是因情所困，动了感情而被伤害了的双子是脆弱的，也是坚强的，他（她）可以很快的振作起来，可以当什么事都没有发生，这些都 是双子演给世人看的罢了，等到夜深人静的时候，双子内心的伤痛随着血液渗透到全身，他（她）可以一整夜的去回忆之前的点点滴滴，可以一整夜的沉浸在痛苦之 中，可以一整夜坐在那里发呆，但是，一旦天亮了，要出去见人了，双子马上就从痛苦中抽身而走，你看到的肯定是一个神采奕奕的双子，这就是双子，拥有双重性 格的双子，一个在世人面前乐天，快乐，在孤独夜晚独自伤悲的双子。

双子的爱是最永恒的，可以付出一切，有人说我们花心，那时我们没有 真正的爱，当双子爱上一个人的时候是痛苦的，因为我们太敏感。假如双子爱上了一个不爱自己的人，那莫我相信他永远都不会再爱了，当爱给过了一个人，他再也 没有能力再付出了，其实太多的人都不懂我们，其实连我们自己都不懂自己，我们很会伪装，很会说谎，但我们最细腻，对感情最敏感，双子的爱与悲伤，谁又真的 了解！

最美丽的第七天

看完这部港剧后，心情像往常一样低落，但这一次显得更低潮，觉得 Don 和 Sasa 两人除了可爱以外，更像自己和 Michelle 的那段感情。两人虽然分开后，更各自有各自的生活，但心还是连在一起。上个周末和她度过美好的一天，我俩都知道我们不可能放弃对方，但因为之前的阴影更让我俩不敢向前走一步，好难过，好痛苦，真得很想她。

Another email to Michelle

Tonite it's my long sleepless nite. After my numerous attempts to call u but u never pick up. I felt really down, and sour. It's been awhile I never had such feeling before. I dunno why Michelle. My feeling all this while calm and peace. But after u hung up on me yday afternoon, my emotion never calmed as before. I keep thinking, why our connection in watsoever x/ship is so fragile? We failed in our r/ship, are we gonna failed in our f/ship too? I really dun wish to.. And it seems.. it's so hard..

I tried to call u until my batt flat. I skipped my work today. My laptop batt flat. I can't recharge it outside. By the time I manage to find a power point to charge my lappie, I got 1 whole page of emails came in, complaining me for not turning up for my appointment. My boss, my colleague emailed me and asked me my whereabout, how come can't be contacted by phone. Again, I'm in the mess. It seems like, whenever I can't handling matters properly with you, i will tend to screw up everything. Everything that I have. My customers, colleagues' trust on me had been tear down after today. Yesterday was really not my day. Was it 13th yesterday? Was it Friday yesterday? No leh.. But why like that?

But, I can't be bother, coz I can't calmed down myself. My brain keep flashing back our old time. Argue, break, patch, sweet sweet and again argue bla bla bla. It seems like a never ending story or infinite chain reaction. We seems like 'enjoying' the process. But later the scars are getting more and more until the stage where we dun even bother to heal it. There goes our 3 yrs r/ship.

I had been trying hard, to rebuilt the f/ship with watever we had just leftover. I was always the only person who took the initiative to contact u and keep in touch with you. To be frank. 2 days before I called u, I was deeply depressed of my work, I was in the dilemma of my life. I was sick with my life coz there wasn't anyone for me when I needed one, especially when I had high fever. It's not that I can't find any, but, they're just not the one I wish to hear or see. I had a gf, but I never even shared to her my feeling, she wasn't just the right one to make me open my mouth and tell her my feeling. And I took a lot of courage to call u, I can still remember my hand was shaking, I was struggling, to call? or not to call? I put down a few times, and finally I made my 1st call to u. And it was like a magic moment, all my worried, my depression gone in the second when I heard your voice. And finally I picked up my spirit and courage to continue watever I'm doing now. Why? I think I know why, coz I know no matter wat happened, u will be there to back me up as a friend, at least u will lend me your ears when I need one. I dunno, it maybe just wishful thinking on my part. Even if it is, I'm willing to believe it.

U know I read an article about the 12 constellations and I read about cancerians. It says that cancerians are perfect lovers. They always leave the feeling of "I will never find someone like her" to her ex bf. And yeah it was so true. To be frank Michelle, no matter wat, I had burried all the bad memories we had b4. I guess this is the only way we can maintain our f/ship. Watever we did today was totally wrong. We kept digging out our ugly side. What's wrong with us? Why should we bother about our past? Can we burried it together? And never digged it out? I dunno, u had became the lighting house of my life. If u decided to turn off the light, then I guess I will have to search for my own road from now on.

Michelle, Roman Empire built in hundred years, but collapse in a night (Is this the correct phrase? Not sure). We can't denied that the sweet and bitter that we had gone thru. There're some connection between us. As for me, I will always give u the neutral answer when u asked for my opinion. But once u had decided, i will give u the full support. I dunno why u read it as I never support u, I have no clue at all. But so long u need me, I will be around. I know I can only be spare tyre. Coz u oledi got ur bf around, rite? Just in case u need additional support, I will be there.

Till then, I hope u will be happy always, no matter what. Even if u decided to turn off the light, I wish u all the best in whatever u're doing and u will be doing. And u will have a happy life.

Do the right thing

Whatever comes our way,
Whatever bad that we have rages inside,
We always have a choice,
Is the choices that make us who we are,
And we can always choose to do what's right.

我宁愿你不曾提起我

今天，我又像往常一样犯贱地看她的部落格，发现到三个月后她又重写部落格了。原来在她心目中我俩这段感情不是不值一提，在她的部落格里头，我的名字很荣幸的被她提了两次，还是连名带姓的，我才知道，原来在她心目中我俩这段感情，真的是那么糟糕。当然我也知道，但，看了她写的东西，心里真的很难受。为什么我的付出，她全都不提？我没买礼物给她吗？真的没有吗？我钱都不够了，凑着也买一样十字架给她，虽然不是什么贵东西，但那些钱对我来说很重要啊！为什么？手表呢？她怎么可以抹煞我对她的心意呢？她竟然吃我侄儿的醋，有没有搞错啊？我。。 真的好难过。。

另一方面，我真的得反省了，我真的太粗心大意了。很多事情我都忽略，不断不断的发生，我想改，但不知怎么办，我。。该如何是好？

Quote of the day

My personal point of view, I won't rate outer beauty less important and inner beauty more important. I believe ppl see things as a whole, as a package. I dun believe ppl can totally neglect the outer look at all and only focus on others personality. But there're some ppl who are really shallow. They only focus on the things that they can see on surface. They dun even give other ppl chance, or give themselve a chance to know ppl better. But some ppl truely are, they can accept a person who really not that attracting in outlook. I believe everyone has this kinda experience b4.
I got requirements. I want someone taller than me. I want him at least to be decent look. I want a rich guy. But when she meet someone, who's not that tall (same height wif her), someone who's not that handsome, fat, lame, someone who's not loaded, not frm wealthy family, but he's someone who knows what he wants in his life. She accepted him, and love him. But sometimes she also wonder "I never thought he could be my life partner. I never thought I can fall on him. I never thought he can be so much diff from what i thought". So my conclusion. When u fall in love with someone, u wiil tend to see an imperfect person in a perfect way.


- 幸福并不是必然，当你曾经拥有它，却骤然失去，比从来没有得到过更痛苦

- 最穷的人并不是他口袋没钱，而是他身边没有一个爱他的人