A letter to Michelle

Halo, yeah I wasn't sure when u will see this email. Well I'm not trying to nag or whining or what. But just sharing you my thought after yday incident.

I can still remember the 1st time I met u in Alor Gajah. The 1st time u came to S'pore. To be frank, u looks utterly attractive to me. When I saw u in the pics u sent me, batches by batches, I already got attracted by you, your smile. And when I see u, the feeling was stronger. But I was clear about my intention. I never thought we could be together. And that was simple.

When I was in KL with the meyoucity buddies, I didn't wanna see u coming with Brandon. Coz I dun want to affect your r/ship with Brandon. But when I saw you, I wasn't willing to be part with you. I wanted to see u more. Then, I can still remember, the effort we made just to see each other for 45 min, of coz I was disappointed with Pei Yu around. Hahaha..

And I can still remember, when we was "fighting" for the sofa seat. I can still remember, how eager I wanted to see u for dinner and clubbing. I can still remember, why u "lao kai" when u know I was in KL without informing u 1st but the rest. And of coz not to forget to mentioned, I can still remember, the email I received from you, and the nite when u won the 2 litres Chivas.

Everything happened just like yday. I can still remember everything happened within these few years. Our laughter, our smiles, our jokes, our fun, our cries, our friends, everyone that we met, by-passers around us. So real, so near, yet so far. Our life was never been simple, yeah.. simple never belongs to us. Complicated was wat we got. We always complicated stuff. Everything. We tends to complicated 'em. A simple thought, simple incident, we tends to complicated 'em. I could just told u about my ex, but I complicated it. I could just apologized for my wrong doing. But I complicated it. I could just told you "hey, I'm oledi in KL. I wanna see u", but I complicated it, coz I wanna see your respond, I wanna feel your passion. So I never said it out. Same thing, you could just trust me, my colleagues (wei leng), grace etc, that they got nothing to do with me. But you complicated it. You could just tell me the reason why u go US (although I already knew it), but you complicated it. You could just tell me that u no longer loved me and u falled for the guy in JB, but u complicated it. As a conclusion, both of us are ppl who tends to complicate stuff. Simple, is what we should looking forward.

The incident happened yday was simple, as simple as clear crystal. But, again, we complicated it. U thought I was taking u advantage of your leniency, I thought u were insulting me. We never learn from our past mistakes. But Michelle, I slowly learnt, that we should see things as simple as we could. I slowly learnt, that we should see things from other aspects. I slowly learnt, to accept the truth, that I will never change you (hahaha.. okay this is a joke), I slowly learnt, to solve a problem by see things from my opponents shoes. That's why, I forgive. That's why, I understand. That's why, I always have explaination for both sides, plus and minus. And trust me, I'm longing for simple life. Coz I'm tired to be a complicated person. I dun mind to have a plain water life. I dun mind to have a stable life. But the fate always fooling us. When I dun feel like stabling my life, they will offer me a stable life. When I feel like having a stable life, they will offer me other wise. I never expect the world / environment to change for me, I will change myself to suit the world / environment. Since I can't get the thing I want in my life, I'm considering to change myself, change my environment, change my life. There was a moment, the moment when I was sick, the moment before I start talking to you, I was really lost. I didn't know the purpose of me living in this world. I didn't know, how to make my next step, carry on my life. U might asked me, what happened that made me thought of this way? Well, I couldn't give u an answer. I can only say. I was sick of my life. Looking back at my tragedic life before. My life was totally mess up. I already screwed up my first half of my life, I will not mess it up for the 2nd half of my life. The crayon is in my hand, and I'm the master of myself. I decide the color to pain my life. So, I'm planning on the thing I wanted to do long ago. Something that I had mentioned but I didn't have the courage to do it.

Sorry, a bit out topic. What I wanted to say is. I feel comfortable to talk to you. And I feel comfortable to keep our friendship. To be frank, I feel glad to start talking to you. And I know my request is a bit luxurious to ask, which is to revert back our r/ship to where we had before I came back to KL. U were once my soul mate, my best buddy, and I hope u always are. I will not allowed anything to screw up our friendship. And I know, u should be having a very happy life like u never had before. Trust me I really happy for u. Althought I might not agree with your every thought, your actions, coz u're too complicated. Hahahaha.. But, you dun have to seek for my understanding, coz maybe I'm just no one for you. But for my part, I hope u will understand. And I hope, that u will never get affected by our past. Like I spoke to you yday, comparing to your other friends, I think I'm still better than them. But I got the worst treatment. That's why I felt hurt, bleeding. And I think I might already out from your circle. But i know, as I said before, I learnt to see things from your heart. So I will try to understand.. People say break up couple can never be friends. I hope I can shut their mouth. I'm not asking for your forgiveness. But, I won't insist on something that never belongs to me. Like you said, I'm an ego prick. Hahahaha.. My ego dropped, but still, there're some leftover with me. LOL.. But I know, u're also a forgiveful person. I know u never keep that incident in your heart anymore when I received your sms last nite. Dun worry Michelle, enjoy your trip ok? I hope u will always happy. I hope you will be always protected, by your friends, your family, and your love one. Take care!


Best rgds,
Trey